By Akinwale Akinyoade
For many of us as children, our parents were not necessarily out friends as they played the caregiver role rather over being a chummy pal. As you grow older, the dynamics shift as they seek to have a friendly and healthy relationship with you.
Before you begin on that journey of being best of friends with your parents, you might have to set a few boundaries and work through any past grievances that might still be causing trouble, but with a little bit of work, being friends with your parents might be a real possibility.
Here are some tips for forming a healthy relationship with your parents.
Celebrate Your Individuality
Yes, you grew up as a child into an adult with the values that your parents raised you with but that does not mean you are not different from your parents in a number of ways, your generation is different so you may have varied opinions on a number of issues. The first step is to recognise that you are different from your parents with your own dreams, goals, aspirations, favourites that may not be what they expect of you.
Be Your Own Person
Growing up, you might have had to do things your parents wanted hence you didn’t have much of a say when it came to asserting what you wanted for the relationship. They were in charge as the adults but now that you are grown, you are your own person. Allow yourself to be honest with what you want, like if you really want to see them every few days, what balance feels right for you and the likes.
Don’t Pressure Yourself
Parents tend to have high expectations of their kids so while you may have felt under pressure to excel in everything you do as a kid like scoring good grades in school, it is important to remember that you have to make choices that work for you now. Don’t put yourself under undue pressure to please your parents, you matter too.
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Let Them Be Themselves.
To have a healthy relationship with your parents, you need to accept that they may do things you may not understand but you have to let them be themselves. Just because you are grown up now doesn’t mean you should reverse the roles and treat them like the child.
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Set Some Good Boundaries
Even if you and your parents aren’t having angry screaming matches or offending each other on a regular basis, it might still be useful to set some boundaries for how your relationship will proceed as adults. For example, if you feel like she’s showing up at your place uninvited, you might want to talk about your expectations for how you’ll spend time together.
Forgive What You Can
If your parents are like 100% of other parents in the world, she made mistakes and was not, and continues to not, be perfect. As you work on pursuing a healthy relationship with your parents, it can help to work on healing old wounds.